Posted by NikkiT on May 20, 2000, at 15:44:19
In reply to Re: Bad Night, posted by Noa on May 20, 2000, at 15:15:51
Thanks for the replies...
I'm currently on Effexor XR, 225mg a day, plus some beta blockers to help with panic.. tried a few others - paxil (made me a million times worse) and remeron (made me way too tired) and a few others I've forgotten. I'm not in therapy (I'm in the UK and these things aren't easy here), but have been referred by a pdoc (who just sorts my meds) for some classes in stress management, but they won't start till July.
I work 45+ hours a week in IT, but it's getting so hard to actually get there etc, and plus, I've just got a new manager who I'm not findin it easy to explain things to.
I'm pretty close to family (but live 2 hours away), but I know m Mum and know she won't understand. We lost my dad two years ago, and she has coped pretty brilliantly with it, and as she thinks she must ahve felt it all worse, she can't understand if we can't cope with stuff. My brothers are alot older than me (I'm 25), and the only person I have to really take care of me / listen etc is my husband, but he can't be 100% for me, it's simply not fair, and puts too much pressure on our marriage (only been married 6 months). So basically, this place really is my lifeline at the moment.
Thing is, I don't want to "do it" (see, can't even say it) now, but I plan when will be a good time - and I know in my head I will do it one day, it's just a matter of time. I've also recently been thinking about self harm, as a way of release. SO many people say it gives them a release, how ever temporary - I guess the kinid of buzz shopping gives me right now - but I can't max my credit card out anymore!!! I guess I feel right now that I need time out from this...
Sorry to be so down, I don;t mean to burden everyone else with my shit. But you guys all seem to understand what I mean.
Nikki xx
ps - My husband has a copy of Prozac nation by Elizabeth Wurtzal - would anyone reccomend this as a read, he reckons it'll just push me lower right now.
One great book I ahve read recently in "The Metaphysical Touch" by Syliva brownrigg. It's about two people who meet over cyber space, and the guy is writing a "diery", his own personal diary leading up to what he plans will be his suicide. Bits in it really made sense, and made me realise other people can feel the way I do.
poster:NikkiT
thread:34103
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000517/msgs/34149.html