Posted by llrrrpp on August 31, 2006, at 11:26:45
In reply to Re: Being/not being known » llrrrpp, posted by Jost on August 31, 2006, at 10:45:08
> That is one of life's mysteries/tragedies/sources of regret and maybe redemption
Yep. All the great stories begin with tragedy and uncertainty.
> There are times when it seem so unbearable that I can't just get someone inside me-- or that they can't get me inside them-- forever-- that I can't reach in and make them happy, safe, warm, and know that they are, that nothing bad can happen
yes. And no matter how comforting a hug is, there's no hug in the world that will conquer all of the coldness and doubt in my heart. And I feel like I get addicted to them. The more I hug, the more I feel like making myself vulnerable, and when I show that rawness, it needs to be hugged too, and so on...
> instead, it's always going to be that we're separate, and alone, unable to protect one anotheryeah. Often unable to protect even ourselves. Another one of my delusions is that I can master the situation. Sometimes better to just go with the current. When you fall out of the raft in a swift dangerous rapid- just point your feet downstream and try to float it out. Don't stand up. Don't try to swim. Just let the water accelerate you through the path of least resistance. And then, sputtering to catch my breath in the eddy downstream, I wonder why I'm not going anywhere. But when I'm ready again, I can move back into the current, or wait for my raft captain to come and pick me up.
> I guess that's what keeps us going, too-- trying, failing, getting back hope, going for whatever it is, at that moment, that our hopes center on
>
> I'm not good at dealing with this, either-- except to absolutely refuse to let myself be torn up-- to keep my mind's eye on the other person's presence in the world, even at a distance-- as if they're moving nearby, beyond my line of vision, in another room, just out of sight -- even if it's half way around the world
>
> And to keep them in my thoughts, and mind. Not that I think of them all the time, but they are part of me, and what I'm doing-- especially the important things--
>
> But that's only something I've barely learning to do-- there were many years when I would be torn apart by separations, disappearances.
>
> Whales swim separately in the water, sometimes, but they hear the songs of other whales in the distance. And they sing their songs. Do terrestial white whales have songs that they sing?Well, there are a few songs that we share. They are not really audible, more like waves of pressure that impact the senses and affect the limbic system directly and subconsciously. We also share a lot of music, because we fell in love playing music together. Maybe Respighi: Pines of Rome. You have to hear the whole piece, but when you get to the movement of the clarinet solo, you'll hear the whales talking in their fragile, but sustained and persistent voices. I borrow this image from "Fantasia 2000", but it is apt, and moving.
Definitely Mahler's 5th Symphony. By the time you get to the Adagietto (4th movement) you've experienced all the emotions in the human repertoire, and your heart is tender and bruised. This movement starts slowly to coax your heart out of some place where you've been sheltering it. Perhaps the most powerful moment in classical music is when an orchestra is committed to sharing their raw emotions. And when an entire stage of strings dares to allow themselves to feel their own and their stand partners' and their colleagues dreams and hopes and fears... Well, it's enough to give you goosebumps. You realize that Mahler and the conductor are just organizing us to feel universal emotions simultaneously. Like additive waves that get stronger as more people on stage and in the audience commit themselves to revealing their humanity. This movement is proof of the bittersweet power of love.
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:681528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060827/msgs/681706.html