Posted by ralphrost on March 8, 2007, at 20:09:01
In reply to Re: I don't feel human, posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 15:56:31
hello, kk :)
thanks for your kindness. I really appreciated.
As I'm in a bad state maybe I'll postpone an answer to your post. Having some kind of very unconfortable feeling, nasty anxiety. Self-esteem is very bad.
I mean, all the beauty I can see right now on a cup of coffee is the caffeine on it. Just a joke, if you mind.
After stopping playin the violin passionately because of the depression, today I restarted classes and sort of had some bothering feelings back. It's like I don't wanna play it anymore, because depression kinda divided my life between my old self and some sort of transformation I've been through.
Should I just bury everything that reminds me my past of suffering or should I let those feelings reach the surface? I think I hate my "old-self" (old-self is an illusion of course). This question is bothering me for some time, and I prefer to ask a friends opinion rather than going to a therapist.
Thanks for you book opinion. It will be in my list of readings.
Cheers,
Ralph (rf is good too ;)
ps: actually i didn't postpone an answer
> hello rf. i'm kk.
>
> i'm sorry to hear that you don't feel human. i think a big part of being human is the range of emotions we all feel, including sometimes the lack thereof. i've heard a song by modest mouse with a line something like this:
>
> as life gets longer awful feels softer, well it feels pretty soft to me.
> and if it takes (poop) to make bliss, well i feel pretty blissfully.
>
> perhaps it's something like that? maybe you've just gotten so used to the (poop, sorry have to be careful with the words, as i was jsut blocked and i'm not quite ready for another block. not quite sure if i have the 'protector' thingie on or not) that even the good stuff just blends in with it?
>
> then again, maybe i'm full of poop too? why not try to thik of things that used to make you happy and rediscover them? the beauty in coffee? or a smoke? or a phone call to an old lover or friend?
>
> or maybe find things that can make you laugh. i guarantee babble will make you feel something. whether it be anger or confusion (ever read some of mister bob's posts?), passion (of course, i'm talking about myself here), compassion, or a variety of other emotions.
>
> good luck rf (mind if i call you that?). i hope you find something that aids you in feeling something. i rememb er someone mentioning something about reading. can't remember what you said about reading, if you're up to it or not. but, what about camuus? umm, what's the name of that book. thinking for a second. is it, lemme try the title with double quotes and see if it works here... "the stranger" not at all a tough read, but maybe you can relate (not that you'd really relate but in a metaphorical, if that's even the word i'm looking for, sense)
>
> again, good luck.
poster:ralphrost
thread:736602
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20061105/msgs/739411.html