Posted by Dinah on April 29, 2004, at 9:34:49
I notice there are soooo many types of therapists that people have. Soft and cuddly ones, formal ones. Loose boundaries, firm boundaries. Homework and structured sessions, requests for spontanaity.
How do we end up with the therapists we end up with? Is it just that we have no idea going in, but because of the nature of the therapeutic situation, we end up loving the one we're with (unless it's a really bad fit). Or do we choose what we need? Or do we choose what isn't really the best for us, but what we want?
I ended up picking my therapist because, calling around, I got mainly therapist receptionists. They seemed more interested in fee than anything else. All of them seemed rather offputting, and I rarely left my number. My therapist seemed interested in treating me. It seems kind of simple now, and not a very important reason for choosing a therapist, but looking back it's been very representative of our entire relationship. He wasn't too distant. Neither did he jump on me and try to sell himself. He was laid back and interested, receptive, but he followed my lead as to whether I wanted to make an appointment. He gave me his business card and told me he'd be happy to hear from me (despite the fact that I was a total jack*ss at the seminar he was giving).
And that's pretty much been him. He's always there, doesn't overreact to what I tell him or what I do, is consistent and laid back, receptive but with a firm and unmoveable core. He took me back on those occasions I quit in a huff, and was always gracious. He makes me feel safe.
I've seen a few other therapists and pychiatrists. A few were rather abrasive - I can't tolerate that a bit. But some people might find them action oriented and like them quite well. Some were distant and vague, very blank slate. That's great for a psychiatrist, I wouldn't care for it in a therapist. Some were way too intrusive for me. They didn't sit in their chair (emotionally speaking, not physically) and let me approach them, they forced themselves into my psychic space. Some people would probably find them warm and giving. But they scare me. My least favorite pdoc once said that my therapist was no good for me. We were both too much in our heads, and he wasn't reaching my emotions. Of course, I found that guy both abrasive and intrusive and wouldn't have stuck out therapy with him.
I see on this board therapists that wouldn't be a good fit for me. They're too rigid or too enveloping. Then there are Pfinstegg and Daisy's therapists who I am quite jealous of sometimes. They seem so caring and make mine seem withholding in comparison. And mine is withholding, not only in comparison but in truth as well. But I wonder if I could have lasted with those paragons when I first started. If my therapist's more cerebral and detached style was all that I could have tolerated. I think maybe we've grown together. Or maybe just I grew, and he accomodated his style to my growth.
I know most of us think our therapists are juuust right. But how do we make that match?
What are you looking for in a therapist, and how did you find it? (Or have you found it yet?)
poster:Dinah
thread:341263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/341263.html