Posted by B2chica on May 15, 2004, at 18:43:39
In reply to Re: issues with talking in sessions... » B2chica, posted by finelinebob on May 14, 2004, at 14:40:54
>>some of the things that come up are things so painful, I wouldn't even let myself admit to or acknowledge them -- moments you realize how well you've pulled the wool over your own eyes for so long.
this is one of the toughest. since i've started therapy, i've had a few things come to me that i have forgotten. I'm mad at him and me for making those visuals come back, i was happy with them tucked down.
My biggest problem is that i go back and forth, somedays i stay curled up with so much pain wanting to scream, scream out everything that has happened, to tell my T. But then by the time my appt comes i've gone a complete 360, and talked myself out of saying anything, partly cuz i can't, and partly cuz i look at my "so called problems" and look at others and say mine are NOTHING compared to them...i feel angry, guilty, stupid, selfish, and worthless for wanting to tell.
>> Talking about things I don't want to talk about makes part of me very angry. Doing so is sort of a betrayal of me by me, and I can get pretty self-abusive about that betrayal.When i saw this i HAD to reply to you. This is WORD FOR WORD EXACTLY how i feel...BETRAYAL, ANGRY. Even just talking around the topics last week made me feel Awful, and found a new spot to cut...unfortunately a very nice spot.
> I don't know if you feel any resonance with any of this, but I just wanted to share that and say I've been in a similar place. "Dancing around the topics" ...I was always looking instead at the shadows my dance would cast upon the boulders.
-if you don't mind i think i will use this quote to describe this to my T. maybe it's a start?
>> If this is *at all* familiar,
.VERY.>>but I don't have "lockjaw" for 40 minutes trying to say one word anymore ...
-this makes me think there is hope...i really needed to hear these things flb
Thank You for understanding and for sharing.
((((FLB))))
poster:B2chica
thread:346814
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/347225.html