Posted by Tamar on December 9, 2005, at 15:03:42
In reply to Forced distance (long), posted by LauraBeane on December 9, 2005, at 9:58:19
> I am a lurker because the few times I've replied to posts my tone came out all wrong, and when I later read what I had written I was appalled at the person who came through. I hope that isn't really me.
I remember you posting a few months ago. I think you posted in a thread about termination. I thought you seemed really nice; not appalling at all! Maybe you didn’t feel quite like yourself, and that’s fine, but I thought you came across as a very understanding and sympathetic person. I wondered what happened to you, so it’s nice to see you posting again!
> But, my need to ask for help from all of you outweighs the rest, so I will try to do better. I have been seeing my T for 2 1/2 years. this is the longest/most committed therapy relationship I've ever had. he is treating me for PTSD. He has helped me so much and I have a great deal of respect for him.
>
> What happens is this. Sometimes after we get into one of those very intense sessions, talking about my stuff, the next session I go in expecting to continue the discussion but I find the atmosphere in the room is entirely different; he has pulled back. He becomes exremely objective (to me he feels cold) and he either runs through the issues in a "in sum" kind of way or simply steers the conversation elsewhere.Oh gosh! That sounds hard. I don’t understand why he’d need to steer the conversation elsewhere. If he has a reason, he should explain it to you.
> This really throws me. I have reacted in different ways, once walking out because I couldn't bear the difference between what was there before/what I was expecting, and what is there now. He told me once that this is the way he does therapy, gives a lot but then steps back to regain some distance and perspective.
Yes, but I totally understand that once you’ve got yourself in ‘the zone’ to share stuff it’s extremely disconcerting if he seems to pull away. It must feel as it he thinks it’s not OK for you to talk about the things you’ve bravely said out loud.
> I know it is a way of taking care of himself but it's so hard for me. It always takes me by surprise. It's frustrating and it feels like rejection. I react defensively and try to pull him back to where we were, which makes it worse because it doesn't work and I feel like a fool.
I don’t think he should need to take care of himself in this way. He has all week to withdraw from your stuff and gain perspective. But maybe he’s trying to keep you from flooding… which could make it harder for you to deal with stuff.
> any thoughts are much appreciated. Just being able to get it out of my head is a tremendous help, so thanks for listening.
I think there’s a therapy rhythm… I often found that after a session in which I felt really close we had a session in which I struggled to connect. I’ve heard others say similar things. Sometimes we pull back ourselves to avoid feelings of dependence; other times perhaps the therapist is pulling back, for whatever reason.
I really think that talking about it to your T is the only way to get a handle on it. There might be occasions on which you really need to continue the intensity, and perhaps he can respect that. The bottom line is that therapy is supposed to be about your stuff, so (in my opinion) he shouldn’t be manipulating the process by being capricious.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:587240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/587429.html