Posted by DAisym on July 18, 2007, at 13:25:09
In reply to Re: Update on pdoc » DAisym, posted by antigua3 on July 18, 2007, at 12:30:58
"thanks for your concern, but I didn't really think him just stating the facts that the abuse was due to my father's failings and not my own would set me off like that. Like I said, I felt like he was defending my father."
"He thinks that what we were talking about last time precipitated my crisis. He was pointing out that it was my father's failings and not my own that led to the abuse, and I got quite upset."
Antigua, tell me to back off if you need to...These two sentences in this thread strike me hard -- you are consistent in saying "and not my own" but then you go on to say "I felt like he was defending my father." Somehow I miss seeing how he is defending you father, when he clearly says it was his failing - but obviously I didn't hear the whole conversation.
In my own situation, I hate it when I feel the need to defend my dad because my therapist says something so brutally clear like, "he's shame, not yours." I always immediately protest, "but...I" and then I get angry that I have to defend my dad to my therapist, etc. etc. It isn't exactly the same as when you felt but it gets to me.
One thing that is sometimes helpful for me is the conversation about "why?" I want to know why this happened, what made him do all these things. My therapist understands the why but he usually asks, "what would be a good enough reason?" And the honest answer is, "nothing." So I know that even as we work to understand all of it, he won't come to the conclusion that it was "OK because" -- and that is important to me.
I'm rattled this morning so this post might be so out in left field. My intention is to be supportive, as always. I definitely need to sit on your deck today.
poster:DAisym
thread:770234
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770362.html