Posted by DAisym on September 9, 2007, at 15:09:09
In reply to Feeling triggered » RealMe, posted by Wittgenstein on September 9, 2007, at 13:18:59
"but this was the first time all of those things from the past felt vivid and present - before that I'd pushed them away, buried them."
***Having a safe place to feel these things will do this. We might "know" what happened but I think when the timing and setting is right, we begin to feel things again."It was so painful and choking - a pain I could never have understood without having experienced it. I couldn't tolerate noise, light, movement... everything was unbearable - "
****Yes - this happened to me too. The first time I told about the csa (after months in therapy and I only told a tiny bit) I left and threw up in the parking lot. And then I went to bed for the whole weekend. I didn't bring it up again for weeks."all I could think was to end it all. I still get these episodes at times when I am overwhelmed by what's happening in therapy. I'm terrified of them."
****There is a shaded box in "Courage to Heal" that is titled: "Don't kill yourself" and talks about the emergency stage of telling. Usually it is at the beginning but for me it is a cycle. I try to remember that these feelings are old and I'm not trapped anymore. But the pain is very real and I just want it to stop sometimes.Unpacking your feelings needs to be done slowly and cautiously. It is so tempting to try and push through it -- to just tell it and feel it and rage against it. But this usually just results in flooding and fragmentation and retraumatization. This really is a slow process - cleaning a wound, putting on a bandage, changing the bandage and then cleaning the wound again. It won't last forever (my therapist promises) but it takes a while.
And truthfully, getting in touch with all these old feelings isn't the right approach for everyone. If they are pushing through and creating problems in your life - you really have no choice. But if things are pretty OK, stirring around just because there is some old notion that everything has to be processed can be more harmful than helpful. This isn't avoiding or denial, it is acknowledging without revisiting.
I hope this makes sense.
poster:DAisym
thread:781609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/781839.html