Posted by RealMe on September 9, 2007, at 11:54:01
In reply to Re: Younger parts/selves » Wittgenstein, posted by twinleaf on September 9, 2007, at 9:42:23
I used to have separate parts that did not even know about each other, and my work some 20 years ago was to put those parts together and know about each other. I did this, but then I stopped and did not work on accessing all of the pain. I had looked at some of it, but I mostly got to the point where I could talk about csa and cpa without too much emotion.
I am not working on the abuse isses and have mostly been working on trust as my T is new to me, and I had a very bad experience with the one just previous to him. So, I have had a couple of sessions where I accessed the pain and emotion of the time. I had found a picture of my self at age 8, and I brought a copy of it in for my T to see. He kept it to my surprise and said something about how sweet I looked.
Anyway, accessing the pain and emotion of things that happened, the various events, is extremely draining and powerful and very sad. I remember the first time, I felt so sad and recognized I had left a part of me behind waiting for me to come and take her by the hand out of the hell hole she was still in. This maybe does not make sense. I almost felt worse because at least 20 years ago I wasn't so aware of her.
But no excuse since now. I feel like I just locked her in a closet and left her, thinking it would be okay. It isn't, and it wasn't. What worries me about therapy and really getting into those momements in time as that child, that I will not have the strength to go to work afterwards. My T says things will spill over for awhile. He works very hard to keep me contained by making links and offering himself during the last 10 minutes of the session. So, I don't leave with it all hanging out. He is like what some talk about. My T is feeling right along side me, and I am aware of it. Sometimes I wish he did not have to feel the pain too, but he says this is how he can help me, and if it is ever too much for him in a session, we will look at why that is. He says he will never quit on me. I don't think I can ask for anymore.
RealMe
(OzLand)
poster:RealMe
thread:781609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/781786.html