Posted by DAisym on September 14, 2007, at 0:36:54
In reply to Do you think it would help to know..., posted by JoniS on September 12, 2007, at 16:12:19
My therapist usually says, "you already know. If I wasn't real with you, you'd know before I did. So search inside yourself - how do you think I feel about you?" And we talk about it. And talk about it.
It rattles me EVERYTIME I run into another client. It doesn't happen very often, though lately there is a new client who arrives consistently early for his appointment and always says "hi" to me on my way out. I have to cross the waiting room to get out the front door and he is sitting there. Actually (blush) I don't know for sure that he is waiting for my therapist (there are several who share the waiting room) but I suspect I'm right. This causes less jealousy for me than the females I have seen.
Worse -- in one of the offices where I see him, his wife has the office next door. Imagine me running into her after a session of telling him how much I need him -- bleck.
I think you have to get clear about what it is you want to know. I've talked to my therapist about what he thinks of me as a professional person - does he listen to me and think, "this person should not be working with kids or running an agency?" He says no. Once he told me I'm the hardest working person he has met in a long time. And this week he told me it was "remarkable" that I was still doing all I was doing as well as I was, given the work we are doing in therapy. I protested, "but I'm making mistakes and people aren't as generous as you are" and he responded, "that's because they have no f**king idea what is going on with you." OK. I think that was a protective urge on his part and I'll read it as caring, if that's OK.
Other times I've asked what he thinks about me as a therapy client. He admits I can be frustrating. I shut down and don't tell him what I'm thinking. And I research everything. On the other hand, I show up (on time), I *try* to be open with him and honest, even when it is embarrassing. And I think I let him know genuinely how much I appreciate him and how much I care about him. I ask him if he makes "that face" when he hears my voice on his answering machine. He swears he doesn't.
So there are different sides to this. Can you narrow down the question? It might help you have the discussion you are wanting.
All that said, I think I understand the terrible conflict that is part of loving your therapist and really wanting someone like them in your life. I'm not talking about sex or romance. I'm talking about an intimate other. And I think it is more than their "therapist-like" persona. If I'd met my therapist outside of therapy, I'm pretty sure I'd like him. We have a lot in common and we have the same (wicked, awful) sense of humor.
I hope you find a way to package some of this so that you can have a good weekend.
poster:DAisym
thread:782496
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/782787.html