Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 14, 2007, at 16:15:41
In reply to Yikes! my boundaries got violated!, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 12, 2007, at 12:44:16
That was a hard session. I started off by going to the wrong office and then had to drive really fast to the other office. if not for xanax, I would have had a panic attack and/or decided to go home. I wonder if going to the wrong office was a statement about my ambivalence towards going today?
Then I started off by saying- "I don't know what to say-- I feel I just saw you on Monday" "Well, maybe you don't need to come twice a week. Maybe once a week is enough. you seem to be radiating a different kind of energy these days" "oh, you mean I'm no longer a black hole for happiness?"
(feeling rejected...)
Then I tell him that it freaked me out that he came over to my car in the parking lot. He said that he was afraid of that, and said that the moment that he set out to come find me at the far end of the parking lot he thought it was kind of awkward. In retrospect, he said he realized that he crossed a boundary. then he apologized (((good T)))
Then clever llurpsie steered the conversation towards even more uncomfortable topics (related in my mind- I'm hoping that he picked up on the fact that I strung the topix all together on purpose.)
He explains my dislike of men touching me (yes that was the main topic today) as oedipal: I am ashamed of my own sexual feelings towards men because I never was able to resolve having those feelings towards my (BARF) dad. I dunno. It made sense when he said it, and he was smartypants in relating back to other past stuff. How does this help me though?
He was kind to acknowledge that it must have been hard for me to talk about that (parking lot stalking) with him. That was good of him to say, because it WAS really hard to say. You guys know that!
Boy, I can't wait until I have funky dreams tonight.
As solace for my mini-rejection, I bought yarn. enough to make a gloriously fuzzy goofy shawl. I hope I have the stamina to knit it all. if not, I'm out 8 bucks. big deal. And double point needles so that I can start my skiing hat. And another ball to try out cables on. trying to steer my way AWAY from having a llurpsiecrisis. I don't want to do anything to hurt myself. I am trying to remember that he said I might only need to come 1x a week BEFORE I talked about all this stuff. Still, it stings.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:782448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/782925.html