Posted by antigua3 on September 15, 2007, at 22:26:43
In reply to Re: How do we really forgive ourselves? **csa trigger* » antigua3, posted by RealMe on September 15, 2007, at 17:41:38
My father is dead, and most of my knowledge of the abuse didn't surface until after he died.
I know all about his own troubles and pain growing up, in many ways I have no trouble forgiving him. As a matter of fact, I just jumped right over anger to forgiving.
It's facing the truth of what was bad that's so hard. I can see having loving feelings for him, but in this case they are very warped, or let's say they aren't appropriate to the situation. He wasn't a good man, and I'm probably the only person on this earth, besides his mother, who loved him. He wasn't deserving of the intensity of my love--or anyone's-- and that's why I feel I'm stuck in the Oedipal Complex and would like to find my way out, to see him for the man he was and the lives he ruined, and I'm not just talking about my own. He was a narcissist throught and through, and was never held accountable by anyone for his actions. He never felt he had to be. He left a long trail of damage and everyone in my family hates him.
Not easy to explain.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:783062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/783144.html