Posted by kateT87 on June 12, 2008, at 21:53:00
Sorry if this post is kind of long...I'm not sure if this is the type of thing that people talk about on here. But I was just wondering if any of you guys have any thoughts about some feelings I've been having about my therapist.
Im a female college student, and Ive been working with the same therapist for the past several years. I entered therapy due to depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness pretty much standard issues, I guess. Im overweight and I have been ridiculed my entire life because of it. I have tried to lose the weight through diet and exercise, but i just cant seem to. I feel depressed about the fact that Ive never had a boyfriend. I would love to have a relationship with someone, but I feel that I am too fat and ugly for any guy to want me. Im very socially anxious, and Ive always struggled in school. I work hard for my B/C grades at the state university I attend.
My therapist and I have developed a fairly good relationship over the years, and she often tells me stories about her past, her own college experience, etc. In her stories, she often divulges elaborate details about how she was wildly popular, had multiple boyfriends in high school and college, made straight As at a top college without much effort, and stayed thin despite a diet consisting mainly of fast food and beer. I dont think she intends to make me feel bad about myself, but sometimes I find myself comparing myself to her. She has everything that Ive always wanted. She was popular, thin, attractive, and guys liked her. Shes had more boyfriends than I could ever dream of having. I havent even been asked out on a date yet, and Im already 20 years old. Shes smart, and apparently never had to work hard at anything. I work hard in school, at the expense of my social life, yet my grades are still mediocre at best.
I feel like therapy is starting to become more trouble than it's worth, due to these feelings I have towards my therapist. I feel so inferior to her. Ive tried bringing up my feelings, and she promises she will be more careful about the things she tells me but that only makes me feel worse. Apparently her life has been so perfect and amazing that she has to be careful not to upset a loser like myself. I just feel really down about this.
I'm starting to feel jealous of my therapist, but not only that, I'm starting to feel really down about myself as well. I'm starting to see that there are some people who just naturally have it all, and I can never be like them. I'm starting to lose hope for my life. I want everything that my therapist got to have, but I feel like it will never be within my reach. I want so badly to have those things -- the boyfriends, the good grades, the popularity. I would especially love to be thin and attractive. But I know i never will be, and these feelings are starting to wear away at the little self esteem i have left.
Thoughts? Anyone ever go through something similar to this?
Thanks,
Kate T.
poster:kateT87
thread:834387
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/834387.html