Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2008, at 8:37:39
In reply to Looney Tunes,Raisn, Ladybug, and DInah » Dinah, posted by Lemonaide on July 28, 2008, at 21:53:17
Lemonaide, I've known you for a long time. And I hope that you know that I hold positive feelings for you and only want what's best for you.
It seems that this might be one of those pernicious growth experiences. You've posted a lot about your new therapist and how wonderful he is. He's sounded almost too good to be true. Now you see that he does indeed have clay feet, or at least a few clay toes. He's disappointed you, and you're angry and hurt.
Plus there's the timing. You're being triggered by stories of child abuse to remember what your mother did to you and your brother. You're feeling sick and angry about that. And you're angry with your old therapist, for good reason.
I'm not going to suggest that the anger at your current therapist is partly spillover from those other angers. It's possible, but it may have nothing to do with that.
But I do think it's an opportunity to grow in your understanding of yourself and your relationships with others. Your current therapist has let you down and hurt you *and* your relationship with him has been caring, positive, and valuable. He lied to you. Although there are lies and lies and this sounds like the sort meant to excuse himself not to hurt you, he did still lie to you and he still let you down in such a way that he felt lying to you was preferable to telling the truth. That hurts, and it would make me angry too. But it isn't the entire of your relationship. He lied to you *and* he wants what's best for you and wants to help you despite his own limitations and imperfections.
I see two areas of learning in all this. Learning that your anger can be tolerated, not only by you but by your current therapist. And learning to tolerate positive and negative feelings toward your therapist at once. Most relationships aren't with paragons of virtue. They're with people who let you down time and time again, and help you and care about you time and time again. It helps to be able to consolidate those two views.
My therapist hurts me by forgetting me entirely outside session, finding other things more important than returning my calls, and a myriad of other ways. And he helps me all the time, is fond of me as much as he is fond of any client, wants the best for me, and does his best to help me.
I hate to give actual advice, but it really seems to me (assuming I have most of the pertinent facts) that this current therapist is as good a therapist as any, and no more likely to hurt you than any other therapist would be. If I were you, I'd call him, and try to come to a new understanding of who he is, clay feet and all. I understand that you are angry with him. But I also have faith that you can master that anger, and give your current therapist and you a chance to repair the rupture. To tolerate the anger.
Just my two cents, based on my genuine caring for you.
poster:Dinah
thread:842630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/842785.html