Posted by Daisym on August 6, 2008, at 0:39:39
In reply to Talked to him about everything, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:31:07
I talked to my therapist about this today - the trust thing and how hard and weird the therapy relationship is. It has been on my mind a lot. I said that while I trust him with my "stuff" I couldn't completely trust that he will never hurt me by ending therapy before I'm ready. I trust that he wouldn't do it intentionally, but things do change and there are possibilities that could occur that neither of us anticipate. And I said that while I truly wished him the best, and I would want him to make decisions based on his best interest and his family's, I couldn't help but add in that I also wanted him to consider how any change would effect me.
For example - I told him if he won the lottery, I'd be thrilled for him. But I'd also want him to keep seeing me - so he wouldn't be allowed to quit working. Selfish, I know.
He said that perhaps we had to just acknowledge the unknowns and the undeniable truth that much of the world is out of our control. He said, "people get yanked out of our lives all the time. But if we let that fear get in the way of caring about people, our lives would be very empty." And then he said that he could certainly see why, given my history, it would be harder for me to not always be watching for signs that he was leaving. And if anything changes, he promised he'd talk to me. And right now, nothing is changing. But still, he could see how hard it was. He didn't promise things would never change. And he also didn't promise that they would never end. He just agreed that the relationship was unique and difficult, but hopefully helpful and worth it.
So I guess maybe you can trust your therapist to be honest and as consistent as he can be And at the same time be honest with yourself that change can and will happen. The key would be to try and hold the anxiety about change and the unpredictabilities of life in check. We do this with our kids all the time, right? We know all the various accidents and dangers that the world has and yet we still have to suspend those possibilities or we couldn't function.
I think you'll just need some time for things to feel safe again. Hopefully talking about it helped, at least a little.
poster:Daisym
thread:844447
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844490.html