Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:31:07
I hadn't meant to. And I squished it in the last ten minutes. And perhaps I was careful about the wording. I certainly didn't use the words "glow" or "bliss".
But I told him that I felt insecure because his crisis was over, and he was happy, but that he had been thinking of moving, so how can I ever trust him completely? I didn't really understand what he said. I never do when we talk about this. Something about me trusting that he isn't planning to terminate me, but also knowing that things are constantly changing. So I can trust him completely, but also know that things can change. Which to me is totally contradictory. I don't understand. He seems to. But I don't.
And I told him that it bothered me when he talked about me in the very positive way that he did. That it bothered me that he seemed to believe I had qualities I didn't have. And how I was afraid that if he believed something untrue about me, that he would be angry when he realized the truth. He said that he completely believed that he was telling the truth, and he was invested in my believing it too. But that he wasn't invested in such a way that he would be disappointed with me if I didn't live up to his expectations. But that if he thought I wasn't living up to my potential, then he might be disappointed.
I'm a bit confused.
He did say one thing that I understood and that made me feel a little bit happy. When I said that I always considered that our relationship was based on the fact that he liked me despite my personal qualities, he laughed and said he'd never put it that way. When I pointed out that "I'd never put it that way" didn't necessarily mean it wasn't true, he said he wouldn't put it that way because he'd never think that, which must mean that he didn't think that was true. I liked that he didn't just flat out deny it. I liked that he thought about it.
I guess part of why I'm confused is that I only talked about it in the last ten minutes. But part of it may also be because I never understand these things. I don't think I'll ever understand how you can trust something that might change. If it can change, then by definition it is untrustworthy.
poster:Dinah
thread:844447
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844447.html