Posted by llurpsienoodle on August 8, 2008, at 23:49:39
In reply to Re: What is my T doing? » llurpsienoodle, posted by raisinb on August 8, 2008, at 18:21:04
> Llurpsie, I'm so sorry. I felt the same way when my therapist told me I seemed very "put together" while I was wallowing in painful transference with her. It's terrible to feel like nobody, even your therapist, sees the vulnerability and pain that lies beneath your competent exterior. It sounds like you wanted reassurance that he saw this, and he thought you wanted reassurance that he valued you in different ways than his other clients.
I've brought up before how I felt like an actress, coming into the session feeling like utter hell, and he's remarked on some aspect of me that seems improved- "you seem to be more present today" "I notice that you've been applying for jobs in the past week- you should be proud of taking these steps" etc. I am faithful in reporting how I had X number of panic attacks, how I'd been hitting my prn Rx pretty hard since last session.
I have often remarked that I feel fake for reporting these things and that I come into the session and talk about my kitty, etc. That I have great difficulty bringing up, much less 'processing' [that word reminds me of canned sausage] the difficult stuff.
Yet, he insists that he takes me seriously, and that he believes that I am an accurate reporter of my own inner states of turmoil, even if I don't bring them into the session. I prefer to have my meltdowns in private. (or on babble ;)
>
> But it does sound like one of those once-in-a-blue-moon opportunities to work on something big. Call him! Or at least start off your next session by explaining what exactly you need from him.Thanks for the idea-- I DID call him. Really, because I got a lot of courage from your suggestion. Thank you thank you.
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:845004
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/845085.html