Posted by seldomseen on June 28, 2009, at 10:37:53
In reply to Victim/Survivor terminology**possible sa trigger, posted by antigua3 on June 27, 2009, at 10:00:33
For what it's worth, the word "victim" makes me cringe too. It's a very evocative word that conjures up all sorts of feelings of powerlessness and of allowing things to happen to me without my consent - things that that I *swore* I would *never* permit in my life ever ever again, even if I had to disengage completely from the world. For me, the word hits right at the core pain of abuse.
Then, here comes some mental health professional proclaiming that I was a victim and vulnerable - another cringeworthy word in my opinion.
Why is it so hard to reconcile that we were, in fact, vulnerable? Sigh.
Why it is also so hard to accept that as adults we can be vulnerable again without something horrible happening? And that, despite what we *know* abou it, that vulnerability does not equal weakness and loss of control.
It's a process that's for sure. But I've learned that when confronted with something over which we have absolutely no control, in an attempt to make sense of it, humans will *assume* control of it. That we made it happen, or allowed it to happen, or somehow actively promoted it. For instance, a friend of mine's barn was struck by lightening recently. He actually remarked that "if only I had put the barn somewhere else". Evidentally it is very hard for humans to accept that sometimes things happen around us and to us that we simply can not control and that on occasion, we are powerless. Yuck.
This explanation really appealed to my cognitive, rational side, and eventually spilled over into my emotional knowing. However, it's still sitting there waiting for full acknowledgement I suspect.
While you negotiate this, please take good care of yourself.
Peace to you,
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:903453
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903590.html