Posted by rskontos on June 28, 2009, at 15:13:11
In reply to Re: Victim/Survivor terminology**possible sa trigger » seldomseen, posted by antigua3 on June 28, 2009, at 12:08:52
Antigua,
Sometimes I feel that we are trying to make sense of something that occurred at a time when as a human we are unable to protect ourselves. The very people delegated to protecting us are the harmfully ones. So, now as an adult we try to make sense of all of it: our feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc through adult logic but we are not completely adults yet. We are emotionally still stuck in some ways with those unresolved feelings of that child that was hurt. A child hurt and then had to take those feelings and shove them down to a place where no one could see (an adult way to take harm and deal with it). We weren't adults yet we had to act like one quickly. Don't tell, this is a secret. As children most children can't keep a secret no matter what. I mean those innocent secrets. Like who likes whom or your big sister/brother did something they said don't tell mom or dad. Those secrets are hard for children to keep and yet when we are abused we must keep it secret and that makes it hard and shameful.
To tell you the truth we are dealing today with what happened so long ago as if we were still that child/yet we are not. It is an impossible situation. Because as an adult we see what we would do now if something like that happened, tried to protect ourselves. And it is hard to see ourselves then and now and to rationalize the different parts and emotions that belong to which part-the adult or the child. And during all this we are to try and adjust our wåy of thinking to blend everything together and be survivors. When we feel like anything but that.
Yes, words are hard things sometimes to make sense of. And do remember your p-doc and you are in very different places so the words will mean different things to each.
Control is another one of those words to me. It is hard to think about control and how it shapes us as people.
I too think I was pre-verbal and often those feelings arise and I just don't know what to do with them. I call them my sad feelings. I can't figure out yet what to do with them.
And vulnerable is a good word too. All children are vulnerable.
And as for those situations as an adult we never wanted to return to--it just sucks that we still trip over our childhood feelings that allow us to be sucked back into a situation of which our control seems limited.
I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I can't articulate just how I feel right now, but I wanted to tell you how I felt and hope somehow it helps you too.
take care my friend.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:903453
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903625.html