Posted by BarbaraCat on October 14, 2003, at 14:53:13
In reply to Re: Antabuse » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on October 14, 2003, at 1:41:52
Hiya Backatcha,
Gad, a restaurant! I worked in quite a few way back when. Some very nice ones, as I suspect the one you're working in. I used to live near the Napa wine country. Some very wonderful memories of great meals there. But restaurant work is so hard!! The pressures are intense!I used to dream of the room teeming with customers all waving their arms for food orders that were all messed up. I'd wake up exhausted and anxious. And some of the jerkiest people! But you have to smile and stuff it cause Lord knows, that tip is at stake. But I did enjoy it when I was 'on'. You get such a slice of life.
Your Aunt sounds like a bear. She probably comes from the era that felt that the best way to deal with a problematic 'hysterical' person was to either literally or figuratively throw water in their face and say 'snap out of it!'. There are also some people with whom you can never do anything right and these people can be very toxic. Unfortunately, many of them are our relatives and we can't easily escape them.
I find that when my mind is on track, I can keep my surroundings in order. It's pretty easy, but still annoying to clean up my past clutter just to get to square 1. When my mind is disorganized, it's no wonder that my surroundings reflect it. I find cups in the laundry cupboard, nail clippers in the silverware drawer. I make the bed and find a pair of pants I've been looking for stuffed down at the bottom. It gets so frustrating and confusing, like I feel bad enough without the little gremlins coming in and messing with my stuff.
Soooo, sister Katia, here's my Big Plan. I ain't gonna drink no mo' no mo'. I had just one teeny glass of sherry pre-appetit with my hubby, and before you know it I had that bottle out and poured myself one honkin' glass and just for grins poured some Hornitos tequila into it. I must have had more because the rest of the evening is a blur. It's that one drink that does me in. I no longer have use of my reasoning brain and my pleasure center wakes up and demands FEED ME!!!
It's such a tempter because you know that first glass is going to make you feel just great, no matter how crabby you feel. It's such a dependable lifter of spirits, a guaranteed immediate warm buzz. But it just doesn't stop there, it needs more and more. Or even if it does stop there, for me, it's still poison. Even one (medium size) glass interfers with my meds, my sleep, my cognition. It's poison and I'm deluding myself that I can moderate it. Like you mentioned, one year abstaining is good, then we'll see. But if one has a jones, one should completely stay away from the sh*t. That'sa me. I knew when I had my first illicit drink at a friends's sleepover when I was 10 years old that wowee, I really really liked the stuff!
I'm not going to AA, it's just not my path, and like I mentioned before, living in a very small town does not foster confidentiality. So I took an oath this morning and it felt good. I'm ready. No booze. I will not drink. It will be hard, but Lord knows, I feel for your predicament. To withstand the constant pull of your surroundings shows amazing determination. That's very hard. I once heard someone say 'someone who wants to quit alcohol should not work in a liquor store'. Short of quitting your job, perhaps getting something to nullify the desire would help. So, my friend, my thoughts of strength and stamina go with you those 2-3 nights and all the rest.
Speaking of rest, it's wonderful to drift off to bed naturally, not all f*cked up, and to wake up clear and rested with no sluggishness, no headache, no remorse. I can't wait. - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:268981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031014/msgs/269354.html