Posted by AuntieMel on May 5, 2005, at 17:49:11
In reply to Re: AuntieMel, posted by sunny10 on May 3, 2005, at 14:35:05
Ah, but there *is* nothing to stop me. The kids are out of the house. Since he started his own business I'm the major breadwinner - we did a refi on the house a year or so ago and it was *my* income that qualified us. And I'm the one with health insurance so actually he needs me (financially) more than I need him.
I never felt trust wasn't worth working for. Besides loving hubby I also respect his opinion more than anyone else and I would hate to lose that forever.
The 12 steps are broken into 4 sections "clean up" "grow up" "make up" and "keep up." Even for those who are not in AA many of these steps still need to be accomplished for recovery to work. Those that stop with "clean up" aren't being honest with themselves and will likely fail.
For most people the trust starts to come back somewhere in the "grow up" phase and contines to grow through the the "make up" stage.
That's where the honesty part of the program kicks in. The person quitting *must* admit the destruction and damaged they caused and try to make it right. Communication is part of making it right. There is no room for pride in recovery.
Many in recovery get frustrated when their SOs don't just automatically start trusting them again. In our groups we are having to often tell them that losing that trust didn't happen overnight and it won't come back overnight either.
And you are certinly welcome to print this out and give it to him if you like.
poster:AuntieMel
thread:492705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050323/msgs/494174.html