Posted by AuntieMel on April 26, 2005, at 12:18:47
In reply to Re: I think the therapist is making a mistake » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on April 26, 2005, at 8:25:05
Well, as someone who finds it difficult to change behaviors I can sympathise with your husband.
On the other hand, my father justified the physical/mental abuse he dished out by saying that was the way he was raised. Sometimes behaviors do need changing, hard as it might be.
You say he is better for a little while and slips back into his old patterns. So it seems clear that he *wants* to change and he sees value in changing, but he's just having a hard time maintaining it. So the question is *how* to do it, not *whether* to do it.
My hubby's ideas of discipline weren't all that bad, but he did some things that even he admitted were wrong, including some belittling. One compromise we settled on (unconsciously) was that he quit saying those things to the kids, but instead, when we're along, vents it all out - including the belittling. It took me a while to be able to listen to it without jumping to the kids' defense but now I just tune it out.
And maybe you can come up with some kind of signal you can both agree on that says 'you're starting to get carried away.'
And, of course, praise him profusely when he gets it right. Husbands are like puppies, you know.
poster:AuntieMel
thread:488746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050226/msgs/489820.html