Posted by vwoolf on July 16, 2004, at 16:16:30
In reply to Re: Transference - choices, posted by JenStar on July 16, 2004, at 15:56:25
Hi JenStar
I know the dangers, which is why I'm stuck. But is there any purpose in staying with the lady doc just because she's safe. I thought therapy was supposed to be dangerous and challenging, so that it would enable you to change. Staying safe never did that. Besides, I'm not sure I can - I think this goes beyond my control.
VWoolf
> hi VWoolfe (great name!)
> It sounds like you're going thru a rough spot. I wanted to offer my advice, even though I think you won't like it. If that's the case, feel free to ignore it completely! :)
>
> Here's my 2 cents: Stick with the lady doc. You're already half in love with this male psych, and given your past experiences with abuse, that is NOT what you need right now. It might be fun...exciting...heart-racing to see him and think and dream about him. But it WON'T be any good for your therapy.
>
> I truly believe that people who get so wrapped up in their therapist that they can't go a day or a week w/out hearing his voice are doing themselves a great dis-service.
>
> How can you ever get 'whole' and self-reliant if you are grafting yourself onto this person -- who, as you very accurately pointed out -- IS a paid employee? Perhaps a friendly, nice, caring, loving one - but STILL - a paid employee.
>
> Be strong. Avoid the temptation! He's a chocolate bar and you're on a diet. Leave him alone. Stick with the celery stick (the lady doc or another therapist who doesn't make you moony.) It's better for you and you'll be happier when you make those improvements you're seeking.
>
> And work with your lady doc on ways to find a nice, caring, loving man -- the kind that you want to have in your life. (That is, if you don't already have one - I don't know your history so I apologize if you have mentioned a BF/husband before.)
>
> In any case, those are my thoughts. Advice is like jeans...you have to get just the right fit...and if mine doesn't work, just let it go to the resale shop & find another pair that works better. :)
>
> In any case, take care. I hope, truly, that you find the right mix of therapist + you, whomever you choose.
> Take care!
> JenStar
>
>
poster:vwoolf
thread:366878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/366916.html