Posted by vwoolf on July 17, 2004, at 9:31:34
In reply to Re: Transference - choices, posted by pinkeye on July 17, 2004, at 1:23:06
Thanks to all of you for the advice – it seems that overwhelmingly you think I should stay with my therapist.However you all seem to have misunderstood my intentions. I actually am not physically and sexually interested in my Pdoc. He is a middle-aged, rather dried-up looking, balding man who reminds me of my elder brother. That’s not the point at all. In fact, as I mentioned, the sexual complication involves my therapist, and is all in my head. Rather I see the psychiatrist as an idealised father-figure. I can imagine myself becoming quite dependent on him, which frightens me. But on the other hand my T is trying to encourage me to trust her enough to become dependent on her. Her theory is that I need to regress to a childhood state of dependency again so that I can learn the meaning of trust and then grow towards independence. The trouble is that I just feel I can’t let go into a trusting relationship with her, while I already feel implicit trust for my Pdoc. (Actually all of this feels very dodgy – regressing to a totally trusting relationship like a child sounds very dangerous, don’t you think?)
I agree that what I feel for him is sort of like love, and is completely projected – it has nothing to do with who he is, and everything to do with who I am. I know that I would need to work through the same issues both with my T and with him, and they both tell me the only difference would be the relationship. But that “only” makes a big difference – I like and respect him, and don’t really like her too much.
This therapy represents a huge investment for me, both in time and money. My medical insurance does not cover any psychiatric treatment at all, so I am having to finance two or three sessions a week plus all the meds out of my own pocket. My T says it will take three to five years of therapy to reach a satisfactory outcome, which makes it a very significant sum of money. It is exhausting me emotionally as well, so that my work performance is less than brilliant at the moment. I really need this to work well, in the best of possible ways. It can’t just be something that will tick by slowly.
I am reading an interesting book at the moment by a Jungian analyst and academic, Aldo Carotenuto, called "The Spiral Way – A Woman’s Healing Journey" in which he says the following which I feel has relevance to where I am:
“In the sphere of therapy, it frequently happens that the patient tries to keep one foot on one side and one on the other. Often the thing to do is to give a strong push that breaks every tie with the old world, in such a way that the person runs every possible risk, because it is precisely by taking risks that the patient is saved, no longer having the option to turn back. In many cases what appears to be appropriate caution is actually a symptom of the neurosis that would rather leave things unchanged.” (Page 90)
and
“Jung…. observes that everything is hidden in the transference, the most beautiful and the most shameful, because through it we relive the whole of our experience, both positive and negative. Our personal psychology, impossible to communicate in so many words, is laid bare in the transference: our inner life is unveiled, where previously it had been projected onto others.” (Page 96).
poster:vwoolf
thread:366878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/367102.html