Posted by daisym on September 15, 2004, at 21:36:40
In reply to Re: Just Need to Babble - sorry, long » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on September 15, 2004, at 20:28:54
I'm sorry you are having a rough time too...wouldn't it be better to revisit this without having to feel it too?
I'd love to know how you try to connect to your therapist. I feel like the younger part of me is completely connected and so needy...and is pretty angry too and she doesn't want me to shut her up. She goes between trusting completely and being terrified of any conflict or disruption. But it really is the adult who doesn't fully trust that he can handle all of this and won't hurt me.
Last night I had a dream that I was having sex with my husband while my father was having sex with me. And my mother and my therapist were in the door watching and talking about me. My mother was so matter of fact about "I told her how similar her husband was to her father" and my therapist was sort of saying this didn't have to happen but still not doing anything about it. Meanwhile my father and my husband are talking about me and how much better looking I use to be when I was younger.
When I talked about the dream today in therapy, my therapist commented on how I was "sandwiched" between the two of them, very much how I feel now. And how I still feel like no one will intervine, because I got myself into this mess. Not even him. He also asked me if perhaps the mom parts of me that are beginning to see connections to the past weren't being represented by him observing. I don't know...I just found the whole thing confusing and upsetting. There is a lot of that these days. I guess I want him to save me from the pain but you can't undo the past so you can't undo the pain.
I've been going nearly every day for 3 weeks. Are you still going as much? This only adds to the terror that he will, indeed, be sick of it all soon. But everytime I tell him this, he just reminds me that what works to calm me down is to write about it and to call him. He wants to know what is happening and doesn't mind at all. He says this is just where we are in therapy.
*sigh* Will you share your ice cream? I bought carmel fudge this time.
poster:daisym
thread:391233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/391307.html