Posted by fallsfall on October 26, 2004, at 17:23:13
In reply to What your T does when you cry?, posted by Skittles on October 25, 2004, at 22:31:15
My therapist watches while I cry. But I cry at almost every session, sometimes for a lot of the session. Like Dinah, I don't reach for a kleenex unless my nose is running. In general, the tears are just falling down my cheeks. I see them (and I think that he sees them) as an indication that a particular topic is painful for me. If we stopped every time I cried we would get absolutely nowhere.
Occasionally I will cry harder. He recognizes these times, though I don't think that he says anything in particular. He isn't the kind of therapist who gives me sympathy or even direct comfort - he's Psychodynamic, and the comfort he gives me comes more as a result of his interpretations. I really think that this is better for me (though it might not be better for some other people).
I guess we both see it as my crying is one more piece of information about how I'm feeling. I don't really try *not* to cry - the effort isn't worth it, plus I am trying to recognize my emotions, not hide them. But when I cry harder, I do try to get under control because at that point I can't really talk (and that is what we *do* in therapy - we talk).
I usually love hugs, but it wouldn't be practical for him to hug me every time I cry! And I think I also need to see him as seeing me as someone who can manage on my own (I'm dependent enough as it is...). For some reason I think that I would interpret a hug as sympathy (almost pity) - and I don't need his sympathy, I need his help. I'm not saying that hugs from other therapists to other patients are intended as sympathy - just that *I* would interpret hugs that way from *my* current therapist.
I have seen a different therapist a couple of times with my daughter. A couple of weeks ago I went to see him without her (she refused to go...). I was incredibly upset even before the session started. I told him that I would cry, and that he could ignore that I was crying. He said "Or I could acknowledge that you are crying". He only said something about my tears a couple of times (like "are your tears about XXX or something else?"). I just wanted him to ignore the water.
poster:fallsfall
thread:407238
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/407590.html