Posted by littleone on October 31, 2004, at 22:01:58
In reply to Re: Memories *could be a trigger, about dead peopl » littleone, posted by Aphrodite on October 31, 2004, at 19:05:35
> As to your question, I have a lot of bodily sensations and feelings when triggered by things like certain smells and sounds. I don't usually have the memory to go along with it. I know it's there, but I don't allow myself to try to conjure it up. Instead I fill my life with distraction and my head with noise to drown out the memories.
Oh, I sooo know what you mean! Except I don't have to distract myself or drown things out. It's like I've conditioned myself to actively blank everything out unless it is good. I don't even have to try anymore, it is just so ingrained and automatic now. And I'm not just talking about things that happened years ago, even things that happened just one minute ago can be gone already.
In the book I'm reading, it lists various exercises you can do to look inside yourself and become more aware of your bodily sensations, your thoughts, your feelings and emotions, etc. But, ACK, I'm finding it just impossible to even take a peek. My whole life has been centred around deliberately looking out, not in.
And I know a lot of it is just fear. Ha! *Just* fear. Fear of remembering, fear of looking at myself, fear of getting to know myself, even fear of getting past all this and leading a happy life (ie fear of the unknown).
>It's a very hard road.
** big big sigh **
poster:littleone
thread:409684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/409823.html