Posted by Tamar on December 8, 2005, at 6:50:07
In reply to Called my T, feel stupid now, posted by Voce on December 8, 2005, at 0:57:50
> The past few days I've been having moments of intense longing and weakness. I think of my former (male) T all the time, remember certain spots on campus where I saw him. I can't call him, though. He's made that abundantly clear. I've written him once in the last few months and got a very cool, careful, short answer. So that door is obviously closed.
I’m sorry he isn’t more forthcoming. I suppose he doesn’t want to hurt you, but of course it’s painful in any case.
> Well, she was in her office!! She seemed happy to hear from me, and mentioned that although she was meeting with a student, she would be happy to call me back. I tried to say goodbye and hang up but she kept asking me questions. But it sounds like she is going to call me back.....
I’m so glad that she was happy to hear from you! And that she said she would call you back. I don’t think it was at all weak of you to call her; on the contrary, I think that took a lot of courage.
> I am scared, you guys. I don't want to be a bother to her, or put her in a position where she's going to have to shake me loose later. I don't want her to think that I'm dependent and needy. I am scared that she is going to be like T1, who gave me all the signals that it would be okay to call and write post-termination, and then abruptly changed the rules. I don't want to do anything wrong, or take advantage of her.
I think I’d say: be up front with her. Tell her what your worries are. Then she’ll be able to tell you exactly what you can expect from her. And then you’ll know and you won’t have to try to guess.
> And I feel dumb for calling. Really, exceedingly dumb. I just wanted that connection so bad. Part of me thinks that since she is my last connection to therapy, and therefore my first T, who I was (am?) desperately in love with, that this is my way of trying to re-establish that connection with T1, although I can't imagine how.
You are definitely not dumb. You needed to reach out and you did. I don’t see anything dumb there. And yes, I can imagine that calling her was like trying to re-establish the connection with T1. That makes sense.
> I'm pathetic. I'm going to bed now. Tamar, can I share that 2nd bottle of wine with you???
You can share the wine; of course. But you’re not pathetic.
I hope she calls you soon.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:586795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/586823.html