Posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2006, at 7:25:49
In reply to Re: trauma and cycles in the present » alexandra_k, posted by Tamar on December 31, 2005, at 20:27:20
> > i have been thinking...
> >
> > about trauma.
> > about the notion that if someone has experienced trauma... then they relive that over and over and over.I'm about to make a post below in a new thread about a similar concept.
> >
> > they were victimised and they go on to elicit that same victimisation from new people in their life...I think that when we do this, it's because it's the known. It's our known way of interacting and of expectations of others. Doing something different is the unknown, and that can be scary, or we may not know just quite how it works.
>
> > but sometimes... they were victimised and they go on to persecute in the way they were persecuted...Some folks can do this, too. Again, I think it might come from what we learned about how people interact. And about how we *know* what hurts and what doesn't. But I also think if we do this, we come by this tendency honestly. It's not intentional in any way.
> >
> > and i think maybe... i do that a lot...I haven't observed that here.
> > because i do get scared.
> > and it is kind of self defence...I think that's a good insight. We often do things we don't like in ourselves when we are scared, anxious, or protecting ourselves from a perceived or anticipated hurt.
> > only...
> > people probably need to protect themself from me really :-(No more than anyone does from anyone else. It's not you, sweetie. I agree with Tamar.
>
> > i have heard...
> >
> > abbreaction.
> > thats what that is supposed to be about.
> > if you can experience the initial trauma...
> > and work through that...
> > then it will stop the cycle being played out over and over indefinitely.There's some truth to that, but it's not a requirement. Developing insight into what's going on, and feeling safe enough to try something different is also a way to start doing something different. I think both ways are hard, and take time, though. Perhaps the latter is less risky for getting "mired in the muck?"
> > cause they get all messed up and tangled together for me... and i can't tell where i am and what i'm responding / reacting to.> I find that too. I find it hard to tell myself that my responses are responses to past events rather than to present events.
>Me three. But I'm learning. Slowly. And with lots of painful repetition.
> But sometimes those mundane hurts can feel disastrous because we imbue them with the feelings that belong to the past. When we are able to separate today’s hurts from the hurts of 20 years ago, maybe we can begin to handle both.I think this is very wise. And it's what helped me realize I wasn't going nuts this a.m., but dang, it still hurt terribly. But it does help to sort it out into old and present stuff.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:593810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/593909.html