Posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2006, at 19:50:27
In reply to Re: trauma and cycles in the present » alexandra_k, posted by Tamar on December 31, 2005, at 20:27:20
hey.
:-)> Hmm… There may be something in that… but maybe also it’s a misunderstanding of statistics (one of my usual rants…)
i think that if someone has been in an abusive relationship... then they are more likely to get involved in another abusive relationship.
one should, however, be careful with the interpretation of that...
some people say it is because certain people 'ask for' or 'like' abuse. but i think that is wrong... it is more that some people don't know any different... so they put up with it whereas another person would have left well before then...
> I only know you from Babble but...
> I don’t think you deliberately hurt people.no. i don't think i deliberatly hurt people...
> I don’t even think you try to hurt people in self defence.
no i don't think i try and hurt people...
or... very occasionally i might...
but i think it is more that...
i try and protect
me
or
someone else
and the way that manifests...
is in attacking / hurting.hmm. maybe this is related to the drama triangle?
> I don’t think things have to get worse. Sometimes things *feel* worse, but that’s not the same.yeah. i guess that in order to make it better you need to stop avoiding / distracting from the painful rememberings / feelings etc. and i guess in stopping avoiding / distracting then they are going to get worse for a time... i guess by 'worse' i mean... does ones functioning have to disintegrate in order to... lead to an overall improvement.
> Is it really about reliving it? I don’t think we can relive it precisely. But perhaps we have to acknowledge every aspect of it.
yeah... i get memories... though of course remembering is something we do in the present and there are issues with veridicality because the reality side of the equation is lost forever in the past... but i get rememberings... over and over and over... they disrupt my functioning... what am i supposed to do to lessen their impact / make them stop?
> I find that too. I find it hard to tell myself that my responses are responses to past events rather than to present events.
yeah. and to distinguish between present events and past events. present people and past people.
but... i have immense difficulty at times :-(
poster:alexandra_k
thread:593810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594136.html