Posted by gardenergirl on January 2, 2006, at 6:37:04
In reply to Re: trauma and cycles in the present » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2006, at 19:57:40
>> > I think that's a good insight. We often do things we don't like in ourselves when we are scared, anxious, or protecting ourselves from a perceived or anticipated hurt.
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> how do i stop it?That's a big question. One way to deal with anxiety is to approach that which makes you afraid, versus avoid it. So if you can identify what is the scary part, you can plan a different response and then try it. It will mean discomfort. You WILL feel the anxiety. But if you can get through it and come out the other side, you start to realize that you can cope and you can do something different.
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> > > > only...
> > > > people probably need to protect themself from me really :-(
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> > No more than anyone does from anyone else...
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> i think... i might be worse with that than most people... or even if i'm not... i still don't want to do that anymore :-(I think I can understand that feeling. Perhaps consider looking at behaviors you want to change without adding the judgement that others need to protect themselves from you. Because that's THEIR issue/problem, not yours. You can still change behavior, but how others react to it is within their control.
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> insight is hard. maybe because... i don't properly have it. i can see that i do this at times... but actually saying 'now! see look i am doing it now!' is a different matter. i can't tell... for a time i can't tell whether that is what i am doing or whether i am just undermining myself and that i'm way off... i can't tell. and so... i don't know what to do. and sometimes i cycle... i think yeah it is me doing that thing again and i need to stoppit. but then... i think no it wasn't that and thats just what other people want me to believe so i tow their line... and then i feel a bit mad... and i keep going... keep on... and i vaccilate... and i hate that and i need it to stop :-( and i don't want it to happen anymore :-(It IS hard. I get very annoyed when I "catch" myself doing the same pattern. Sometimes I catch it sooner rather than later, but I ask myself, "How did I get into this again?" This is where having a T or someone you trust to talk about it with can help. They can help you see the patterns, and also help you figure out how you got in and how to get out. And then you can also eventually start to plan for situations when you know it's likely to occur, and plan strategies to keep you "on task" versus getting "sucked in", as I call it in my case.
But I think we never ever completely can avoid it playing out again at some point in our lives. It's too ingrained and in times of increased stress, we can slip into it without realizing at first. As my T says, you are able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to business much quicker and easier than at first, when it was a major blow, and you were lying there nearly unconscious and dazed.
But it doesn't happen overnight. And it's not a straight line of progress. In some ways, that's the beauty and art of the therapy process, but it's also a reflection, I think, of our humanity and of life.
I wish you could have a powerful and sustained therapy experience now, when you seem to be thinking about yourself and what you want. I realize I'm so fortunate in my situation. I wish everyone could have therapy as easily as I can.
((((alex))))
gg
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poster:gardenergirl
thread:593810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594293.html