Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 20, 2007, at 14:22:02
In reply to Yup I w/Jammer, ((LL))is friend, no bad., posted by muffled on July 20, 2007, at 10:30:46
I just saw T and pdoc back to back (they're in the same building).
I want to apologize in advance for my long postings here and elsewhere. I feel like babble is my anchor. I don't have any friends here at the pond yet. Met some ladies, but these things take some time. Plus, they're my mom's age. Not exactly the kind of person I'd drag to H&M to buy headbands with. When I look away from the computer screen I'm confronted with boxes. Things to put away, and where? Even my husband is unavailable. Went away overnight for a funeral. So I'm at this place "home?" alone.
Anyways. pdoc appt. was 10 minutes. I tried to be honest with him about the mood swings and the suicidal thoughts and the paranoia and the violence I took out on many unsuspecting logs with my axe while camping. (on this last point, pdoc said "exercise, good for you" I clarified- actually I felt rage and really good to be destroying something "hmm..." no reaction.) pdoc is mute. nods sometimes. looks at me sometimes. I'm nervous. Given up on asking for abilify. I'll settle for sedated and stable at this point. So pdoc upped my dosage on the antipsychotic. I got SIX Rx's and an appt for 8 weeks from now. huh? 8 weeks? is that what it's like in the real world? pdoc did ask me several time if I was going to my therapy appts. (yes) and I guess that's why he decided to make it so long. I tried to steer him towards a faster-acting benzo. Instead he upped my clonazepam. Now I take 2 tablets every day. not prn. My concern that I'd be walking around in a sedated stupor. His answer: I'd get used to it. Hell. maybe I will. I got used to seroquel stupor. Frankly I think he WANTS me in a sedated stupor so that I won't do anything rash.
On to T. (they're in the same building, so it was like changing classes in high school). This was a good session. The highlights 1) T did NOT tell me to "surf through my moods" again. He recognized them as real reactions to real stressors and told me that I need to follow my instincts and avoid things that will overwhelm my sensitivities. 2) I told him in detail about the events of the past 8 days. The wood chopping. The severely depressed downswing. The mountain climbing and bike riding. The good the bad and the chopping. I told him I was really concerned that I was losing my mind. He told me that I was in a very difficult place right now and that once I find my niche things will start to settle down. 3) I told him about how my dosages were changed. I was kind of curious- why do I take such high doses of everything? He joked, maybe it's because you scare the crap out of your psychiatrists. hmm, I retorted. I'm not scary. (silently wondering- what has he heard about me from my old T and the pdocs?)
Good session. I told him the truth about the wild moods of the last week, and he agreed with me about cancelling my upcoming trip. Set up about a dozen appt.s with me. I even had the guts to ask him if I could call him after hours. He said "of course you can". And set up contingency plan for when he goes out of town in August. Well, the beginnings of contingency plan. I think I should warn him about what happened last time my T went out of town.
I like my T. He seems like a good guy. sense of humor and decent. Doesn't look like an ogre either.
okay, that's my report of T today.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:770579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770752.html