Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 20, 2007, at 9:36:34
In reply to Re: losing my mind ***si triggers*** » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by OzLand on July 19, 2007, at 20:40:10
> I am really sorry that the "diagnosis" has thrown you over the edge because a diagnosis is just a diagnosis. You are you, not a diagnostic category.
I know, but so much of my existence has been taken over by demons. I want to know who my demons are, and how they are planning to attack me, and how scary they are.
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> I have had so many diagnoses over the years I am not sure I can count them all. From the time I was age 18 to the present I have been diagnosed as Schizophrenic (that was fun) with all sorts of add ons like chronic, undifferentiated. Those were the old state hospital backward schizophrenics. I have been diagnosed with depression of varying degrees, borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorders, eating disorder, but never bipolar but it was questioned at one hospitals psych dept that I will never returne to again, the ECT hospital.
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Yeah, the hospital picked up on my family history and kind of went from there. disputes between 2 different attending physicians somehow led to me being Rx'ed wellbutrin, which was an unmitigated disaster. wtf? docs at the hospital then communicated to my pdoc who summarized the whole episode succinctly "clearly wellbutrin is not your friend" but then raised some doubts a week later, when he said that hospital was debating about whether you meet dx criteria for bipolar II. Runs in families, etc. apparently most people don't write a dissertation in 3 weeks... etc.> For one thing, bipolar is the new fad diagnosis right now; lots of people are now being diagnosed as bipolar. Are they really bipolar or are they BPD or dissociative disorder, etc etc.
yeah. categories are blurry. symptoms change and belong in many different categories.
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> When I was at Menninger's my pdoc laughed about all the diagnoses I had been given over the time before I landed in what came to be the best psychiatric hospital in the U.S. (only #7 now). Anyway, even later my pdoc at Menningers told me I was likely misdiagnosed there as well because they did not know that much about the varios dissociative disorders back in the early 80's. So, back then I at least got to get rid of the diagnosis of Schizophrenia but ended up with Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depression. Later, I was told that I likely was not BPD after all, that I had dissociative identity disorder that I have worked on (and now the part I left behind--dealing with the csa more thouroughly). Anyway, what worked for me then was to add lithium to my antidepressant medication.
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> Even now my analyst wants me to think more seriously about lithium and a small dose of Abilify. He is an expert on bipolar disorder and does not think I am bipolar. HE is also expert in csa and eating disorders. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to finally have the right therapist now that I am back in my home state.I'm so glad for you Ozland. It's really hard to fight against a system that seems to want you to crash and burn. As if struggling with our illnesses is not enough. Today I found out that my insurance is STILL not covering my therapy for the last 6 mos (3500 dollars) and that my little weekend holiday on the ward cost 14,000 to somebody. my bill? to be determined. frightening.
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> Bottom line; maybe you are and maybe you are not bipolar. At the least you do seem to have the affective instabiliy that many people have who have abuse in their background (and I mean abuse of any sort). I hope you can step back and see that this really is just a name for how you seem now.And I don't even want to consider the abuse in my background. I don't want to talk about it, think about it, analyse it, admit it. I'm DONE. sealed records. i was wondering last night why I have such a quiet psychosis... and then it comes back to me. the need to be quiet and hide at all costs for self-preservation. I guess I better tell my T. I'm such a good actress. I can be screaming raving on the inside and meek and gentle on the outside. to a point.
Thanks for your reply OzLand. I wish you continuing progress and hope for a remission in your symptoms and recovery of your short-term memory. I still dunno when mine will return. I can't recognize faces, and I can't remember names, or places. Stories and episodes from mere days ago are hiding in a dense fog. maybe it's protective. I keep on reading the same books over and over again, though. With this prescience... uh oh. tragedy on the next page. In many ways my life feels like that too.
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:770579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770704.html