Posted by DAisym on July 20, 2007, at 20:54:57
In reply to Talking about csa to others **trigger**, posted by vwoolf on July 19, 2007, at 14:54:41
If this feels like a pattern then it is something to look at. But "blame" is a strong word and what does it imply? You certainly don't have the power to make someone act inappropriate.
I think that some men are drawn to the vulnerabilities of others and they want to comfort but the only way they know how is sexually. It may be that this man, with whom you connected so deeply for 4 hours, was moved by you and wanted to be close to you. So using very poor judgement, he made advances. He could have misread your signals, or perhaps he was responding to internal signals of his own. It is too bad that what seems to have been a good connection was twisted into something awful.
As far as not exploring the past, this is a common comment. Many people can see you hurting over it and believe that ignoring it is the best defense against the hurt. Psychologist have huge differences of opinions about how best to treat trauma and many, many believe that if it isn't up for you, don't mess with it.
But it is up for you, otherwise you wouldn't need/want to talk about it. So he blew it, however kindly meant.
And I'll remain open to the idea that he was just a jerk. But most of your description didn't make him sound that way and I suspect it isn't that simple.
I don't believe that male/female relationship are all about dominance and sex. But I think sexual tension runs through many relationships, of all genders, because the world at large has been sexualized. I know many women who are only interested in getting guys into bed and many men who are lonely and want a partnership that is so much more than sex. Yes, there is base biology and chemisty. But since we are higher thinking creatures, we don't have to be governed by impulse.
poster:DAisym
thread:770573
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770808.html