Posted by Hermitian on July 30, 2008, at 20:04:39
In reply to Labels and names **another csa trigger** sorry, posted by antigua3 on July 30, 2008, at 17:25:17
Boy that's a tough one. I agree with you big time about labels. For one thing csa is not something you have, it was something that was done to you.
So csa is not your "problem". Its after effects are. Once you decouple who you are now from the history inflicted on you, you'll be much more able to move forward.
I read this great book on managing conversations. You can apply it to yourself as well as other people.
The central premise is that people can live in 3 time zones conversationally. The Past, The Present and The Future. Most people live in the past most of the time conversationally because it is the most accessible.
But if you are trying to grow or advance, that's the wrong phase to get stuck in. Because you end up recycling the same issues over and over.
The author's advice is to visit the past just long enough to validate and understand the problem. Once that is done, you move conversationally to the future and don't go back if you don't have too. It is the Future where you set to-be goals using the current as-is as a baseline. And lastly, you move to the present. I.e., saying to yourself, OK, I know where I've been, I know where I want to be. What can I do now to get me to my desired future?
The paradigm takes practice. Like speed reading. But it really works once you get the hang of it.
Best Wishes on Your Recovery
-H
poster:Hermitian
thread:843105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843132.html