Posted by Hermitian on July 31, 2008, at 8:06:04
In reply to Question for Hermitian...Name of the book... » Hermitian, posted by stellabystarlight on July 31, 2008, at 2:35:31
The book was called "Leadership and the Art of Conversation" by Kim Krisco. It was recommended to me by a career coach maybe 5 years ago. I got it from a small distributor she recommended for 15 bucks. But unfortunately the latest edition is wildly expensive so I'm guessing it may be out of print. A synopsis of his paradigm can be downloaded as a pdf here:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&pwst=1&q=%22art+of+conversation%22+krisco&start=20&sa=N
The author writes from a management perspective, but my coach advised me to use it to assess my own self-talk. And she was right! If you pay attention to where you live conversationally, it is almost always in the past. It is only in changing the time period ratio that will allow you to grow.
I see a psychiatrist for ADD and also "conversations". Sure, I've had my own history. But I've made it a point to not recount the past unless I need it to connect the dots to new insight. The only thing that is important is where I'm at now and where I want to be. And I don't complain about where I am now, because it's a waste of time. It only validates the past, without saying anything about the future. Instead, I acknowledge my human frailties as true and work on a solution with the guy.
I came across a great youtube video of a female psychologist Darlene Mininni who articulates this exact tactic in 2 minutes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0Lkq7SOEvw
The secret is to allow yourself to be human by decoupling your emotions about your emotions or behaviors. E.g., feeling sad, because you are feeling sad. And then step back and calmly ask yourself how to reorient in a positive way. For example, I would ruminate about ADD behaviors I demonstrate and only become more distressed. But now when I catch myself in a negative behavior pattern, I just say to myself, "OK, that's ADD'ers do." And maybe walk it off or turn to something constructive.
Dr. Mininni has women-centric paradigm call "The Emotional Toolkit". You may want to check that out too.
Good Luck
poster:Hermitian
thread:843105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843211.html