Posted by Daisym on July 31, 2008, at 2:42:13
In reply to Labels and names **another csa trigger** sorry, posted by antigua3 on July 30, 2008, at 17:25:17
So, where did you think you were on the continuum?
I used to say, "at least I didn't have to deal with X" - and X was always something worse I read about. I never saw me in the books or stories. I think it is a matter of survival and part of the splitting to make it "not that bad." It has been a huge topic of conversation for me lately because asking for help is something I hate to do and being hurt this summer has necessitated that. So when we talking about where this need to rely only on myself came from, my therapist will talk about how alone I was and how much I had to deal with. And I always say, "yes, but..."
I know that one of the things that happens with almost anyone who experiences csa is that they are taught to not believe their own perceptions. We are told we like it; that it doesn't hurt; etc. We tell ourselves that it isn't real; that it is because of x,y or z; or that we deserve it, etc. We stop feeling so now we have no gut reaction at all. Or we know but we can't remember the details. It is all crazy making. So it is important that your therapist reflect the truth back to you - it was severe - so you can trust your gut about how bad it was.
Essentially my therapist will say, "you have really good reason to feel so F-upped." And setting the csa aside for a minute, being abandoned by your mom was probably at least as bad, as far as your psyche is concerned. Research has shown how devasting it is for kids to be abandoned or neglected - emotionally ignored, or unseen. Depressed moms have infants who don't grow or develop, etc.
As far as victim or survivor - again two things to hold at the same time. You were a victim, by definition. The child within you is a victim. In her time, the trauma is fresh. YOU are a survivor, again by definition. But being a survivor doesn't have to define you - it is part of who you are. But I have the same reaction, like being a survivor is some great badge of honor. The trauma is part of our history. But only part.
And I've noticed that the breast-cancer folks have taken over the Survivor label anyway. I'm waiting to see what someone comes up with for csa next.
poster:Daisym
thread:843105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843200.html