Posted by kara lynne on September 23, 2003, at 0:51:38
In reply to I Am Really, Really Scared, posted by galkeepinon on September 22, 2003, at 22:51:38
Hi gal,
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Although I'm not struggling with the same specific things that you are I can completely relate to the alarm that you're describing about your situation--and the paralysis around it. You would think that that fear would propel us into action--but of course it only makes the paralysis worse.Although it sounds like the most impossible thing in the world, completely contrary to everything that you're feeling, I am *told* that what will bring us into action is love instead of fear. I know it sounds so trite, but I'm trying to at least consider the idea for myself. My counselor tells me I am waiting to get somewhere before I will love myself, and the job is to love myself anyway, no matter what, right now--to get anywhere. Before *anything*. Before one pound, one job, one relationship. I know it's hard gal. My counselor also says that while she doesn't use this word very often, she considers comparison to be 'evil'. Its so hard not to get trapped in the evils of comparison. I do it everyday. But I try to remember that we are just so different in our life experience that it doesn't make sense to compare. And even though we're all so unique we share the common bond of the pain of suffering.
Do you have one friend you can talk to honestly and share your heart ache? Can you get a therapist--or do you have one? Are there any on-line O.A. groups you can peruse until you feel safe enough to get to one?
When I see you wonder if you 'don't want it bad enough' it makes me cringe. We're taught to punish ourselves this way and it doesn't do a d*amn thing for us. I hear your suffering. You want it. It's just that the fear and shame can be so paralyzing.
I wish I had more to offer you. This is so frustrating because I know so many of us would find faith and hope and a common bond in each other if we could meet. I would go to a meeting with you! Yet here I am sitting at my computer feeling as isolated as you are. But maybe people can share what helped them--give you some suggestions and something, one small thing will click. That's all it takes.
Galkeepinon is a loyal supporter to so many people here. She is a person who should be treated with the same kindness and respect she shows everyone else here.
I am holding you in my thoughts tonight.
(((((galkeepinon))))))
poster:kara lynne
thread:262536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/262573.html