Posted by galkeepinon on September 22, 2003, at 22:51:38
This has been brought up in previous threads, but maybe some newcomers AND people here can shed light and also, I needed to post about this.
I am scared. I weighed myself tonight~228 Lbs.
I don't know if I need to seek psychological help for a specialist in Eating Disorders or what. What scared me is that my highest weight was 247. But even more (and this is a little personal) I noticed previous stretch marks turning slightly pink/red. And that has sent me into a depression concerning the way I am addicted to food, AND cigarettes. Why the 2 correlate here, I'm not sure.
I have been getting milkshakes from Jack in the Box every night for the past 2 weeks, I am smoking almost 2 packs of cigarettes a day now. What in the heck is wrong with me? Do I not care about my body and what may be in store for me down the road? I guess not obviously. I know this is psychological~I didn't know where to put this post so I put it here because I am truly an ADDICT, and I am scared S***less!!!!
I know I won't get sympathy from anyone if I whine about this, that's not what I want. I really, truly, honestly need some feedback as to what ANYONE thinks I should do? I am open to ALL posts, good, bad, the hard flat out truth, anything. I can't go on like this anymore. I can't find the courage to even *start* a brand new morning saying okay, I am going to change my life starting today in my attitude towards food, my weight, my body image, etc.. That day hasn't come in my life yet. I have tried OA in the past, but the thing is here is that I CANNOT GET MYSELF MOVING. I haven't gone to an OA meeting in a long time to even start working on my addiction/problem. Where do I look for the answers to the fear that I have? I believe a one-on-one psychological work is better for me~I really don't know. (see how confused I am, I just contradicted my words)
My heart is aching because I constantly compare myself and even though there is that saying 'never compare yourself to others' the fact of the matter is that I am. All I do is sit on the dang sidelines~never taking action. Which leads me to think either
1) I don't want it bad enough or
2) I need to either accept the fat, not try, who cares 'attitude'
It's just really bothering me tonight, I'm afraid for my health as well as my life if I don't do something soon. I'm scared, I need help.
Anyone, Anything would be grately appreciated concerning this post. I am not a religious person rather a spiritual one , but I even sent out a prayer request to Joyce Meyer~Life In The Word, an organization I am affiliated with, to ask for courage and strength~Why does God not hear my plea????? Am I missing something????
Now I'm starting to question if there really is a God. Does 'God helps those who help themselves"???
I am so sad. Maybe I needed to vent.
I appreciate anyone who took the time to read my post~thank you.
I don't know where to turn.
Please help me.
poster:galkeepinon
thread:262536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/262536.html