Posted by fairywings on January 8, 2006, at 20:45:12
I've been really depressed lately, and I think it's partly bec. I can't handle the emotions that go along with therapy - sitting w/the feelings that come up, the anxiety of talking about things and the depression that comes after, the dependence, the needy feeling, the feelings of humiliation and low self esteem, etc. I honestly wonder if I'd be better off w/o therapy. My T is unavailable right now, and I think I want to wean myself from therapy bec. it's too overwhelming. Since he's unavailable, I think I'd be fine, maybe better off, if I weaned away from therapy.
Sometimes when I think about things I get so anxious I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, and when I sit with my mind unoccupied, trying to just be with my feelings, it feels like my heart is very heavy, or I have a rotted feeling inside - which comes on me all of a sudden and scares me. But mostly now I just feel bad - I don't even know how to describe it.
I talked to my husband about quitting - he's a great guy, very kind, but he has NO negative feelings ever (never sad, down, or depressed) and no interest to get in touch with any feelings, so he's just no help figuring it out. He doesn't understand my feelings of sadness, why I start to cry for no reason out of the blue, why therapy would be so overwhelming, and when I was suicidal he just pretty much patted me on the head, asked if he could get me anything, and went on his way. It's not that he doesn't care, he just honestly doesn't have a clue.
When I went to my pdoc and told him how depressed I'd been feeling; my level of anxiety was through the roof about an hour before my appt. and all during my appt. Just thinking about having to tell him makes me incredibly anxious. I just don't know how many times I can go through that, maybe one of these times I will have a heart attack, and if therapy is partly bringing up those bad/depressed feelings, is it worth it? I don't get anxious like that with my T, just when I have to talk to my pdoc about changes for the worse in my mood, and he's always so nice. I don't know why I get so anxious. I guess it's the humiliation and low self esteem. And I know he's not judging me in any way, so that's not the issue. I know he just wants to help.
Should I quit therapy now that I have a chance to wean away?
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:596817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596817.html