Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2008, at 13:13:59
In reply to Re: what did he say?, posted by antigua3 on August 2, 2008, at 10:45:57
I hate praise for how well I'm doing for completely different reasons, but I do hate it. :) It feels invalidating. And cheerleader type praise is the worst. It always feels so fake, even if it isn't.
I imagine there are probably some historical connections here for me. (Gack!)
My mother was very generous with praise. But she was equally generous with anger when I let her down. Not by making mistakes or anything. She was fine in that way. But by not being the Dinah she had created in her mind. The one who wanted what she wanted and thought as she thought.
My father was stingy with praise, and generous with little put downs. It sounds more awful than it was. I would hear how he talked about me with pride to others. But it wasn't his way to do that with me directly. He showed his love and pride in his own way, so that I never took his negative statements too seriously.
I suppose all those things influence how I feel about extremes in praise.
But still... Had he kept his positive statements to what I have done, I would be fine with it. Perhaps even positive statements about this or that of my qualites. He wasn't making comments about my actions. He was making comments about who I am.
I'm probably making too much of it. And it may be because I'm already having problems with anxiety. But it seems like a lot of pressure and a long way to fall, and an inevitable fall because he's *wrong*.
poster:Dinah
thread:843605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843697.html