Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2008, at 18:32:55
In reply to Re: rofl. I'm back to timebomb issues too., posted by Nadezda on August 2, 2008, at 16:57:08
> Oh-- and by the way-- if some of your qualities mean something to him personally, as I have no doubt that they do-- that means he does have a certain value for them-- maybe not the universal value-- & maybe he's idealizing a bit-- I don't mean to press this on you; maybe he is quite off-- but is it so far-fetched to try them on for size, just provisionally-- or someday?
He has qualities that mean something to me. Because of that, I care about him far more than is logical or sensible based on our relationship. I know he's come to care about me and is fond of me. But it's always been based on logical and sensible things. Or as he always puts it, it's because of the time and hard work we've put in together. I know I provoke countertransference in him, but only of the bad sort. I know that as clients go, I'm important to him. But it would really upset me if I thought that I had qualities that meant something to him. I don't think that's true. Quite the opposite really. I generally think he likes me despite my personal qualities. That is the foundation of our relationship.
I think I'm going to stop thinking about it in those terms. I can't possibly have any personal qualities that mean anything to him as a person. It would be way too unsettling. It would mess up the whole therapist/client dynamic. I need him. He doesn't need me. A therapist can not need anything from a client except a check. They have to create that space that is needed for therapy.
I think I overthought the whole thing. I do that.
poster:Dinah
thread:843605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843782.html