Posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 18:40:59
I seem to be having a lot of trouble right now so I am going to be posting a lot...but any feedback i can get is great. I need some support.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I thought it was under control but apparently I am going nuts. My therapist told me that therapists tend to limit the number of borderline patients that they treat because we are so exhausting. (this made me feel great). He already previously told me that I make his job so difficult. I don't mean to. Borderlines have this love/hate thing going on where they either really like/love a person or they hate the person..there is no in between. He says I am either overly postive with him or I am overly negative accusing him of abandoning me or leaving me.
I spent quite a while today in tears thinking about all of this because I look back on my sessions with him (i have been with him for 3 years) and I have never had a stable length of time in therapy...One week I am fine...the next week I am freaking out. I can never just be "normal". He told me he cannot have a practice filled with borderlines because we are so unstable and that would not be good for him.
I feel horrible. I emailed him and told him I wish I Had died at birth because then I wouldnt be in as much pain as I am in now. (it is wrong to email him anymore though because even my thoughts are wrong...everything about me is coming from being borderline and it doesnt matter what I say anymore...I am SICK.
I will never be well. I am sick ..no amount of medication is going to cure me.
I dont know how to be around my therapist anymore..I dont want to be seen as sick. I hate borderline personality disorder...I am also bipolar,have OCD, severe anxiey..with no anxeity meds..major depression, BPD, fear of abandonment, ...you name it I have it...
I want to be well. I want my therapist to be ok with me...he pretends to be because I pay him to..he says he cares about me and that he will never abandon me or terminate me...but
I feel like such a burden to him...like he feels obgliated to see me.I am in a lot of pain. I need to know of other Borderline patients and how they handle therapy with their therapists...
poster:Amanda29
thread:843786
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843786.html