Posted by afraid of everything on July 7, 2005, at 12:09:26
Hi, there
I just don't know what to do now. I risk being kicked out of my apartment because I am a drunk and because my landlords are the opposite of reasonable. I pay rent on time, and am quite pleasant. I don't party. I drink alone at home only, so my drinking has no affect on their property nor their lives. I was taking out the recycling last night, and it wasn't "trash night" so they started screaming at me. I burst into tears, and they said they were not going to talk to me because I was drinking. Which is completely ironic because the first time in AGES I wasn't wasted by 8pm! I guess the amount of bottles astounded and offended them. It's none of their business.
I am a lush, for sure. And I just stopped taking Lexipro prescribed for my severe depression and debilitating anxiety disorder that landed me in the nut-house for a week last December. My trip to the nut-house also cost me my job, and what scraps of dignity and self-respect I had. Off Lexipro cold-turkey because I cannot tolerate the side-effects and because I have no health insurance, no doctor, no money, and now no hope. I desparately need help, but am terrified if I go to the doctor, they will put me back in the hospital. My stay in December was OK - except they kept telling me I am alcoholic, and I was like "no kidding" but I am also sober right now and much prefer being drunk to being paranoid, suicidal, hallucinating, terrified, riddled with guilt for no apparent reason, etc.... Anyway, as soon as they set me free, I went home, drank half a bottle of vodka, and cut my wrists to pieces. The next day, I got evicted from my apartment - not because of me, but because the owners sold off the units as condos, so kicked us all out. (Bad luck with landlords, eh?). Anyway, I moved back home cross-country, got a great temp-to-perm job, which I am afraid I am going to lose. I couldn't stop crying this morning, am having severe withdrawal from the Lexipro (tremers, hallucinations, paranoia, vomitting). I had to leave work early. Now I am out of cigarettes but am too shaken up to go to the store and afraid I'll run into the "recycling police". Does anyone have any suggestions on dealing with withdrawal and insane landlords, possible homelessness? Please don't say AA - I have an aversion, on top of being afraid to leave the house. Thanks for listening.
poster:afraid of everything
thread:524596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050602/msgs/524596.html