Posted by gardenergirl on January 2, 2006, at 7:27:34
In reply to Re: OMG. Am I too needy? » gardenergirl, posted by JenStar on January 1, 2006, at 14:00:06
> hi gg,
> if your hubby has serious sh** going on right now too, can you both comfort each other? Does he at least agree that you have "right" to grieve and fall apart right now?We can try. I'm not sure he can cope with my grieving and needs for support right now, because in his opinion, he's the neglected one. So despite what is an extraordinary circumstance (and it's the second death in my family in a month), he can't let go of his own "score" in the support department.
That tells me he's very very angry about this, which he only expresses by shutting me out. And then whipping out a wallopingly cruel act when it gets too much (thinking of my birthday and our anniversary).
So when I asked him why we were talking about his hurts and needs when I was the one so obviously in need at the moment, he basically said, "too bad". Mine are more important. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at his therapy. I bet I come across like such a bitch.
>
> Are his issues that serious?I take them seriously, but I only have so much energy and ability to cope with them when I have to try to read his mind and anticpate his needs. And all while dealing with my own stuff.
>
> I'm sorry he's not being more supportive. But I don't think you're too needy; I think you're "normally" needy. And even if you WERE too needy -- sometimes we go through that when we're in pain, and spouses need to compromise and help sometimes. I wish he could do that for you.Thanks. I wish that, too. Even last night, although he was acting kinder, he still was dwelling on how we were going to work on getting HIS needs met.
Sigh
Couples therapy here we come!
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:593914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594304.html