Posted by Dinah on January 2, 2006, at 11:07:00
In reply to Long reply » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on January 2, 2006, at 6:59:07
gg, your husband sounds a lot like mine. Only maybe more so. There are so many good things about being married to someone like that. (I'll bet he's enormously responsible and good at doing practical things. My husband is so good at his job that on my wedding day one of his bosses reassured me that my financial future was secure.) And is he really smart?
And perhaps a tad Aspergerish? Not having Aspergers exactly, but Aspergerish?
My husband and I were an enormously good match before I got in touch with my feelings. Now there are things that he does that really hurt. And he thinks I'm a fragile flower he's afraid to break.
But... I think as we adjusted our expectations of what the other *can* do and be, we started to be able to appreciate the ways we complement each other and what each of us can bring to the relationship. If I expect my husband to be the sort of man my therapist is, I'll be forever frustrated with him. Because he's just not wired that way. But if I think of him as differently abled so to speak, I can appreciate what he does bring, and look to find someone who can support me and understand me emotionally elsewhere, among my friends and my therapist.
And as I put fewer demands on him and appreciate him more, and try to share with him my gifts in areas that he may be a tad weak, he appreciates me more and our overall relationship gets better.
If that makes any sense?
I'm not saying he's right at all, or that you're wrong to want something more. I'm just saying that looking to him for things he can't give might not be the most rewarding way to engage in your marriage.
poster:Dinah
thread:593914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594328.html