Posted by Honore on July 23, 2007, at 11:17:23
In reply to Needs and my situation with T.....help!!, posted by jammerlich on July 22, 2007, at 17:13:43
Hey, jammer. Maybe you do need to call every night for a while-- what's wrong with that?
Nothing. I really mean that. I wish you could understand that there is nothing at all wrong with needing that-- and with getting it, too.
It's been done. You're not the only one. I've read case histories and articles describing Ps who needed that-- and Ts who were able to provide that without feeling invaded or exhausted. You need the right T-- granted. And it's not every T. But there's nothing wrong with the need.
You need a T who can handle whatever it is that you do need to work through whatever is and has happened. That includes the idea that you might need to call a lot of nights-- or maybe even every night. It really is okay to need to do that. It might mean that you need to see him/her more than you do-- which may not be feasible-- but again, there's nothing wrong with it.
So you know you need to consider very very seriously whether, despite how attached you are to your T, she can meet your needs. It's not your fault, or her fault. She is who she is. It may be that she doesn't have that ability that some other Ts do(maybe not that many-- but it doesn't matter, how many-- what matters is that you find someone who is able to handle this in a way that you find healing, not harmful)
You need a consistent and not-frightened availability of presence and contact to get through these difficult emotions, and times. And so you need-- really *need*-- someone who's got some different capabilities. Hard as it may be to end-- she just doesn't seem to be able to say the right thing-- or keep from saying these very very wrong things-- when you open up and are taking risks. She has some great qualities, but this particular quality that she may not have is so very important for you.
That's got to be tearing you down over time-- It did me, when I've tried to work with Ts who had some of those fragilities and brittleness about boundaries. I would be very very direct and clear with her-- If she doesn't feel that she can truly give you what you need, you do have to think about protecting yourself from the despair that the knowledge of that-- which you have all the time with her, it seems--provokes.
I know that's very very difficult-- but without that, you could be stuck in a place that isn't good. I very much agree with what Daisy said about that-- you've tested it out, and it does seem that it's about the fit between you and her-- a misfit that doesn't seem, after all this, to be leading to your being helped.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:771173
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771340.html