Posted by red house on July 23, 2007, at 8:26:03
In reply to Re: Needs and my situation with T.....help!! » red house, posted by jammerlich on July 22, 2007, at 22:53:02
:) i'm glad that you were able to take in the idea that being direct and clear about your needs to your T could be a profound act of self-care. that's something that i try to say to myself but it's easier said than done! and i too struggle with feeling that it's just demanding, needy, and selfish to request so much and/or expect and hope for so much. but you deserve, as we all do, the opportunity to have your needs met or at least to have someone who is trying and wanting to meet at least some of your needs and open and available to you fairly consistently. and that's because you're human and you're struggling, and that's something we all deserve, i think. of course i have a hard time believing that for me sometimes, but i'm working to validate it. (so telling you helps me!)
and, no, i don't think the fact that you go twice a week changes my opinion. not at all, actually. i go twice a week and even though it's a struggle sometimes to validate my need to be in touch with my T at other times, i don't think the fact that i see her twice a week changes the need (or should change it for that matter). i always talk with my T the day after an appointment to touch base, and so that's at least two calls a week (and more often than not, i call additional times). i am confident that she wouldn't have a problem with my calling daily if that's what i was needing. granted these aren't long phone calls, but still it's the sense of connection and continuity that makes a big difference and enables me to build security. and i feel very fortunate that her limits are such that she's available for my calls. i feel guilty and bad that she is so giving, but i think her thought is that when i feel secure in needing her i actually will turn out to need her less because i can internalize our interactions. (someone else touched on this in response to your post -- i do think it's true that permitting patients to need their Ts and have access will actually make for more secure and less needy patients, rather than the reverse.)
it is really so hard, though, because i think that so many of us who struggle with these issues and our own sense of shame over our "needs" have such a hard time asking for what we need and being direct about it. so we're also highly sensitized to any perceived rejection. at least that's true for me. and so i've learned that sometimes i pick up on communications that were not there or my take on an interaction is actually not at all what my T intended to communicate, and so i try to check it out -- reality test -- to see if we're on the same page. by communicating with your T in the way that you've expressed your struggles here on the board, you'll be doing the self-care work of being direct, honest, and open about who you are and what you're needing and give your T a chance to meet you half way, if she can. and if she's can't, then it's honoring yourself to do the difficult process of moving on if that's what you need to do.
redhouse
poster:red house
thread:771173
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771310.html