Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 0:21:00
In reply to Needs and my situation with T.....help!!, posted by jammerlich on July 22, 2007, at 17:13:43
Jammer, yours was good and so were the others.
Hell if ya gots lotsa paper I'd take the whole damn thread in and sit there and let her read it. Then she can just stick it inher pipe and smoke it!!!
As far as lady ahead of you being late....well unless she was in crisis, I don't think it was fair to make you wait w/o asking you first. I had that prob w/my T a time or two, then I wrote it in a fax, and she got the point. She is seldom very late now.>So, I bit the bullet in a BIG way (at least it seemed so to me) and told her that, for me, it's often a lot harder when I do talk about more sensitive things because then I really miss her between sessions, want to call and feel very needy....and I just hate it.
**that is SO true Jammer, and SO very brave of you to say it. You really do impress me. I think your being a great client.
>And this was basically her response, "I'm OK with you calling; what I don't want is for you to feel like you can't survive without me. You need to know you can handle things on your own. But, no, I wouldn't want you calling every day." (I never said I wanted to call every day, btw)
**well, it would hurt if my T said that, and she has said that sort of thing thats hurtful, but HONEST, and her being honest is extreemly important to me. So while this statement would hurt, I would be more glad that she was being literal w/me, so I could understand. And so despite the hurt, I would trust her more, if that makes any sense.
I guess i just don't want candy coated b*llshit from her. I want whats real and true. Guess that comes of me being confused so often...>I feel like it's not OK with her for me to need her. And I just don't think I can talk about things from when I was little with someone who isn't OK with that. I feel a "come close...oh, but not TOO close" vibe from her and I really think that's what's keeping me from talking. I need to know that if I'm having trouble between sessions, I can call her and get a warm response, otherwise I don't even want to go there. And, if it so happened that I needed to call several days in a row, I'd need that to be OK, too, I think. I don't WANT to have to do that. God knows, I hate those feelings, but I need to know that'd it'd be OK.
**hmmmm. Is this a test of the emrgency broadcast system?, and ARE you my clone????? I have a similiar prob w/my T. Cept mine hasn't really said I can't call, cept at the 'forbidden' times. But I think if I was real messed and called, and she got the message, I do beleive she would call back.
But my T DOES have the 'forbidden' times...and really, even tho she HAS said she's 'there' for me...well..I don't really feel she is, cuz she not there SO often it seems...
Maybe you guys need to work more on the 'coping mechanisms' beforeyou 'tell'. I think its supposed to be standard proceedure that the client has coping mechanisms in place before doing real hard stuff.
If you are like me at all, when you freaking, its real hard to 'hold' onto T. Thats where phone messages etc have been helpful, cuz I SO afraid of rejection, so I never very often call T. I usu just lv a phone message when I know she not gonna be at work, and then leave it up to her to call me back when or if she wants.>Ever since coming back, I've thought she's not been nearly as open; but, Thursday was the first really concrete indication of it. Before, it was just a feeling.
**Hmmm. My T gave me sh*t for twisting and messing w/what she says. She will say its OK to call, and somehow I twist it all around and ANY slight thing she might add to the statement, no matter how benign, I seem to somehow hear it as a rejection...I didn't knew I did that until T pointed it out. Maybe you do that too? I dunno.
>And we're both just going to continue getting more frustrated if I stay and she won't change.
**Jammer you are very wise woman.
>I have some big fears about saying it. Of course, I'm afraid she'll say she's already all she can and I'll need to move on. The very idea makes me weep. But, there's really nothing magic about her. I don't need her or anyone to help me survive life; but, I do need someone to help me survive the telling. It doesn't have to be her, though. As hard as it is to admit, it could probably be anyone who is open to my need surrounding it all. The other big fear is that she'll try to tell me that my need is wrong or bad....that I'm "needy" in the most awful sense of the word.....and that anything more than what she's doing would be indulging me and making me too dependent.
**Mano man, this is such a FANTASTIC post you wrote Jammer. I am serious, it is SO amazing to me. Bang on. And its really helpful to me in my journey too, so thank you for this.
Sigh. This needy feeling UTTERLY sucks. I wonder why so many of us babblers have such a problem with it?
I always feel extra needy a day or so after appt. AND on weekends cuz I know she not avail. It seems silly, but just to know I CAN phone is HUGE. And so knowing I CAN'T phone her is equally huge :-(
Yup, the lack of availability or the perceived, or the reality of it all, well, its confusinfg and hard :-(
So I dunno bout your T Jammer. You seem to be a good client, and smart to boot. I DO admire your T's honesty. So its good to know she's a straight shooter, so if you give her the straight goods, you can hopefully get and honest reply as to whether she feels that she is the T for you.
I hope you can do that.
I haven't been able to :-( I always afraid of hurting my T.
Don't wanna look for a new T.
Sigh.
I am idiot.
Anyhow Jammer, don't suppose I wrote anything very useful. Just know that I understand, that you helped me too, and that I admire this post of yours so very much.
Take special care,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:771173
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771272.html